http://margaretnoble.net/blog/sounds_of_the_sea/
It was midnight. The sea were as calm as a bear in the winter. It was so calm you didn't see waves from all the way to the horizen. I could hear the man pulling the ropes and the ship crkink of how old it was. The ship was craking like and olds man back. I started to think it will supoort us any longer. It would be a long way back to tj. All those fun memories of child hood playing with my friends soccer in the streets.After minutes later of daydreaming I came back to myself. for a moment I was a gad about nothing fun was in that ship. suddenly I heard a noise. It was coming from the water. I was begin to get scared a kraken . no I thought they dont exist. a shark, no not in these seas. A unknown creature maybe. I stareted to panic.Ii started to day dream again what if it opens the crack at the bottom of the ship I forgot fix. It started to vanish. I got reliefed. It was gone. lucky me I said to myself.
I loved it how you said that the boat cracked like an old man's back. It really made me thinkg about how old the boat was. I also how you brought it back to your life.
ReplyDeleteI liked your use of metiphor when you said,"The sea was calm like a bear in the winter." And when you said, "The boat cracked like an old's man back. I was also funny when you said that there was a kraken, no a shark, no an unknown creature.
You probably could have gone into better detail. Maybe add a few similes. But overall it was great.